true friend

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true friend
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Who needs to brush your teeth anyways? I'm sure this Woodford Reserve will keep my mouth disinfected .

I only consume foods that contain high amount of PFAS to grow a protection layer around my teeth

Can't become a leader if you're not willing to consume lead.

teflon coated teeth actually goes hard

chemically inert, slippery to bacteria and food remains, always white

Sounds like something you'd hear at one of those World's Fair type expositions from the mid 1900s. "Chemically inert, and easy to apply at home!"

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Has something similar with Bacardi 151 back when I was in college. Me and two friends were playing cards and drinking, losers take a shot. We went through a huge bottle in like 30 mins. I was just utterly blasted, I’d never drink so much in my life. Thought I might die of alcohol poisoning.

I stayed completely sober for like 5 years after that, and some 20 years later I still rarely drink.

It's a different time now, chop chop! Tell us another tale!

I wish this didn't hit so close to home.

Cut the toxic people out of your life

Who the hell goes to a nutritionist

We used to have a TV nutritionist called Dr Gillian McKeith.

She was later forced to stop advertising herself with the word "doctor".

I'm sure it was Ben Goldacre who said "Gillian McKeith, or to use her full medical title, Gillian McKeith"

People who don't know what a dietitian is

Avocado toast enthusiasts.

Have you ever actually tried avocado toast? It's tasty as fuck.

It's fine. It's only good ig you avoid those dog shit hass avocados.

I wasn't impressed. I think I saw so much hype for it that the experience just didn't live up to it and so it felt a bit meh.

I'll be honest, it's pretty hit and miss. You get someone just throwing diced avo on toast, and it's pretty mid. But you go to a place that seasons it, includes grilled onion and peppers, uses high-quality sourdough bread, and covers it in bacon and a fried egg? One of the best things I've eaten. And one of the messier.

Based on your description the better ones don't need avocado inside at all

Right, that's just a bacon egg and cheese that happens to have avocado on it.

They don't need it, but it elevates it for sure...

Though they basically just described a breakfast sandwich lol.

I've only had straight up avocado on toast a few times, but it's always been good. But yeah, it was seasoned very well.

I sometimes make it at home. Just sliced avocado with salt and pepper on toast is pretty good and simple. Avocados are only $0.50-$1 where I live, so I never got the "buying a house" statement, but I'm guessing avocado toast is more expensive at coffee shops or something.

avocado is basically just green butter that grows on trees, of course it's going to go well on toast with a lil' bit of salt

I guess that is the specific doctor you need to see if you are having nutrition problems, with symptoms like being over or underweight.

So the average person should probs see one in their life.

They’re not a doctor but your doctor might refer you to them. My doctor’s office has one in house.

Oh, I was mixing it up with a dietitian it seems

You know, random ass thought...

NSFW

If something so simple as sitting wrong can have a lasting negative impact, I'm pretty sure most people don't masturbate right according to the experts.

This is why I love my drug dealer. No judgement from them.

Just eat raw liver what could happen

The Predator will make all that irrelevant soon enough.

Insurance guy: you're always wonderful you know?